Today's Reading

PREFACE

When I first conceptualized this book, it was supposed to be a tactical communication guide for Asian Americans in the workplace. However, the more I worked on it, the more I realized the struggles and friction I wanted to highlight were felt by many people around the world. Feelings of being overlooked, voiceless, and invisible resonated everywhere. But more important, these feelings could be attributed to some of the values and beliefs we were raised to embrace. This book is for those who were raised with "quiet" traits but are now working in a "loud" world. It's for those who want to find a way of showing up and getting noticed at work without losing a part of themselves in the process.

In writing this book, generalizations have been made about Quiet Cultures and Loud Cultures. The concepts of "quiet" and "loud" are painted in broad strokes and are actually much more nuanced than what's outlined. It's important to note, whether you were raised with quiet or loud traits, one is not better than the other. Both are equally valued and needed. Also, the way we show up and how we feel at work are influenced by more than just the way we were raised. This book does not cover those additional influences, nor does it dive into the prejudices, biases, and bullying that can make being seen and heard much more difficult.

Names have been changed throughout to protect people's identities. Where affiliations are identified, I have used the actual names of individuals who were interviewed and shared their experience.

INTRODUCTION

Kevin, a junior associate at a large consumer brand, entered his boss's office, burdened by an overwhelming feeling of disappointment. He was unable to comprehend why he had been passed over for a promotion he had been eagerly anticipating. Determined to get to the root of the matter, he approached his boss, Ben, and asked the question that had been weighing on his mind: "You liked my work; how come I didn't get the promotion?"

Ben, who had been busy juggling several pressing matters, turned to Kevin and responded, "Let me show you something."

He strode over to the whiteboard in his office, took hold of a dry-erase marker, and drew several circles. "Within each circle are the things going on in my life right now," Ben explained. "I'm thinking about my own promotion. I'm thinking about my client who is upset at me. I'm thinking about my wife who wants me to go to a dinner event with her. I'm thinking about my dog that just injured his leg. I'm thinking about my kids and their upcoming baseball game. I have thirty employees, three of whom are always coming into my office, making small talk." He paused, then continued, "You don't come into my office, so how often do you think I'm going to think about you when I have all these things occupying my brain?"

Kevin stood there, stunned. He had never thought about it that way. He figured his work would—and should—speak for itself.

"I like you a lot," Ben added. "I know you have a lot of potential, but you need to proactively come into my office and make your presence part of my daily brain."

This story was shared by my friend Michael Chen as we were chatting on Zoom one afternoon about what it takes to find workplace success today. Chen is the former president and CEO of General Electric's Media, Communications, and Entertainment division. As Chen shared this story, I couldn't help but reflect that I could relate to Kevin's plight.

Growing up, I was never taught the importance of making myself visible, of continually following up as a way of staying top of mind. I was never taught the importance of being proactive or how to speak up with tact. Instead, I was taught to work hard, hit my key performance indicators, and not cause trouble. The expectation was that as long as I did these things, promotions and raises would follow, like clockwork. However, as with Kevin, it didn't take long for me to see that this formula wasn't actually what was needed to be successful in the workplace. What actually mattered was the ability to showcase myself. Not only that, communication and being visible were required—and rewarded. Thus, a paradox started to form. How was I supposed to be "loud" when I was only ever taught to embody more "quiet" traits?

I've discovered there's a group of us today who were raised in what I call a Quiet Culture. People like us are told from an early age to follow instructions, listen to others, talk less, and let our work speak for itself. But those raised in a Loud Culture are taught to do virtually the opposite: share their opinions frequently, make a lot of noise, and carve out opportunities for themselves. One is not better than the other, but when one cultural context is placed in another, the ability to get noticed in a way that feels right becomes difficult.
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